Tuesday, February 17, 2015

Getting Back to Making Art

Since I quit my job in January of 2013 I've been healing. I was left physically, mentally, and emotionally ill to the point that I sincerely believe that if I had stayed much longer I would have ended up in the hospital.

But, I didn't and I've spent the time since healing in a very deliberate sort of way, trying to listen to what my body, my heart, and my mind needed to become whole again. I've had so much help and support in this from my Honey and I feel like I'm almost there.

I haven't shared much of what I've been dealing with except with those closest to me. I have shared bits and pieces with friends and family, just to let them know how I am because they care. Being too needy is a good way to destroy relationships.

One thing that happened at that old job was that I felt my creativity was prostituted, even stolen, for someone else's agenda leaving nothing left for me. What I offered was also often treated as cheap and only as valuable as they decided it was. I can't tell you how many times I heard the phrase "You're really creative, but..." I hung on to the scraps that were left, but nurturing one's personal creativity back to health is a grieving process as well as kind of like nurturing my body back to health. It can't be rushed. It takes as long as it takes.

• I continued doing my crochet and even found I was again able to do the work to publish the designs last fall. Doing handwork like crochet and yarn spinning was therapeutic and one of the ways I was able hang onto the scraps of my creativity that were left. Getting back to publishing was a sign that my brain could once again handle more complex tasks.

• I took classes to help revive my creative spirit and did a little art journaling. The journaling was helpful although I'm not really that kind of artist. I was able to use it occasionally to assess where I was at. It could be very revealing and I valued that. One thing that kept coming up that I couldn't figure out was that I had clearly "lost my voice." I needed to figure out how to find my own voice again.

• I decided this January that my word for the year is "Reclamation." I'm finally well enough to reclaim ownership of my creative voice, all the way through from design to art. Look out, here I come!!

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